Tuesday, 31 March 2009

Currently listening to...

I know I'm blogging furiously like a writer on speed at the moment. It's merely because I have a bit of time on my hands and as usual, quite a lot to say. Thought I'd get some blogs up now as we're pretty busy this month and may not have too much time so you can slowly gander over these if you fancy it.

I had one of those days today. You know, when you feel everyone around you is pushing your buttons and you just can't take it anymore. You are hypersensitive, you hate yourself and others and on top of it all, your ongoing stomach condition decides to go totally mental.


Anyway, here are some sights and sounds of a few favourite bands.



I don't think I've mentioned how much Mazzy Star mean to me. It's because they are just so special and I never felt that the time was right. When I first heard and saw Mazzy Star, I was completely blown away. I adore Hope Sandoval. Her extreme introvertedness, shyness and gentle voice make her such a unique frontwoman. She proves that you don't have to be the typical in your face, wild, attention-loving frontperson to make an impact. Hope is also of mixed Mexican-American origin and I also found this inspiring when I was growing up. PLEASE check out this band and her later side project, Hope Sandoval and the Warm Inventions if you haven't already.

You either love or hate this band. Either way, you can't deny that Morrissey is a lyrical genius. I've been living in my green Smiths sweatshirt a lot lately. I love it almost as much as my Nirvana one. Haven't worn that one too much lately as I feel I look rather emo in it all of a sudden.

Anyway, here is Girl Afraid, which is the story of my life:

Girl afraid,
Where do his intentions lay ?
Or does he even have any ?

She said
He never really looks at me
I give him every opportunity
In the room downstairs
She sat and stared
In the room downstairs
She sat and stared
I'll never make that mistake again

I'll never make that mistake again
I'll never make that mistake again

Boy afraid
Prudence never pays
And everything she wants costs money
But she doesn't even like me
And I know because she said so
In the room downstairs
She sat and stared
In the room downstairs
She sat and stared
I'll never make that mistake again

Always. Whether to get revved up or to chill right down. The only music that really matters to me from the 60s besides a few girl groups.


Finally, a place where we can all hang out regularly which is free to get in, has an amazing dancefloor and where there will be great music. I promise.

Spread the word

Monday, 30 March 2009

I Bask In Dreams of Suicide

Throughout my life and like quite a few other people, words have been my only real solace alongside music. These are both my undying, ferverent passions that will never subside.

I've only kept a diary in the traditional sense for one year of my life. It turned out to also be the worst year of my life. Since then, my outlet for thoughts are usually writings of this nature as well as creative poetry and prose. I first wrote poetry aged around 8 and made a regular habit of it since the age of 13. I was also heavily into spoken word and began to read my poems in public until 2005, when I was meant to read my poetry at Patti Smith's Meltdown Festival but freaked out when I saw her in the audience and read 'Dulce Et Decorum Est' by Wilfred Owen instead. Although I don't do spoken word anymore, I continue to write poems on a very regular basis.

It wasn't until I discovered confessional poets such as Anne Sexton and Sylvia Plath that I realised that you could confess extremely personal thoughts and emotions and it was wholly acceptable to do so. Until I had read the works of such poets, I felt truly ashamed about my writings and inner thoughts and buried them away with scars that I never wanted to reveal.

I came across a very interesting article today from which the title of this blog is derived. It is an academic essay on women, poetry and mental illness entitled, 'I Bask in Dreams of Suicide: Mental Illness, Poetry, and Women' written by Kaufman and Baer. You can read the article here:

I find this premise interesting. Did the article make me self-diagnose myself as one of these mentally ill female poets? No. It is a very easy assumption to make that you should believe everything that you read and in particular, construe words to make sense when applied to your life. Yes, poetry and writing has been a constant in my life that helps soothe worries and emotions but I don't know if I write because I am mentally ill. I don't know what being mentally ill is. Perhaps I have gone through life without it being diagnosed or perhaps I am just someone who loves literature and language too much that it must be a staple part of my daily lifestyle. Who knows.

I shall leave you with a poem by Anne Sexton. Make of it what you will.

Buying the Whore

You are the roast beef I have purchased
and I stuff you with my very own onion.

You are a boat I have rented by the hour
and I steer you with my rage until you run aground.

You are a glass that I have paid to shatter
and I swallow the pieces down with my spit.

You are the grate I warm my trembling hands on,
searing the flesh until it's nice and juicy.

You stink like my Mama under your bra
and I vomit into your hand like a jackpot
its cold hard quarters.


No one I know can spell this word.


Yes, there is no 'a' in it and there are 2 'i's.

Spelling rant OVER.


I was asked to do a remix by a band called Demontre of their song Broken Halo.

You can hear it here:
Broken Halo DBird Remixx.mp3

I'd like to dabble in this a whole lot more so bands, do get in touch!

May the Fortean be with you!!

I just remembered that I used to post out weird and wonderful facts from the amazing Fortean Times everytime I used to bulletin for Decasia Club. It's strange how you try and make a habit of doing something and then one day you just forget. Sometimes it's like that with people. I think when you move through people it's because you realise something about them or don't realise something about them and after a while, there is just no point. I'm extremely nostalgic and sentimental in some respects but the older I get, the more I find that sentimentality just gets in the way of your life. It's best left out of it.

Anyway, here's a great news item of the day. Goat or critter? We need to get to the bottom of this!!



Sunday, 29 March 2009


So I've been known to rant a lot and in relation to live gigs, especially in London, about the self-conscious audiences.

Last night we played WORSHIP - a 2 day mini festival set in the decadent but slightly decaying grounds of Shoreditch Church. Technically, the sound could've been a bit better but atmosphere-wise, it was one of the most enjoyable gigs I've ever done.

It was great to see people go mental at the front and also that a little encouragement from me to go more mental resulted in a stage invasion. It was fantastic! I hope this will happen again at our gigs as it was so much fun.

I also really need to thank Sean Mclusky and Martin James Tickner. They organised and promoted the festival in just 2 weeks and it was a tremendous success. It's also great to see a couple of mavericks organise great live gigs at non-traditional venues. They are London's current unsung heroes and if it wasn't for them, Shoreditch would be an extremely boring and uninspiring place.

Watch out for their next adventure - Shoreditch Festival 2009 in July. Can't wait.

Friday, 27 March 2009


Goth? Grunge? Rave? Is it all true?

Create a unique sound by channeling your inspirations and not copying them. Then no one can label you as anything or pin point an exact sound you sound like because you have created something new, independently.

Does anyone out there agree? I really do hope so.

Somehow, (I think mainly because we all happened to wear black in our early press shots) we've been referred to as a goth band. It's ridiculous and the whole faux goth scene is contrived. There are some goth bands I'm into for sure but what we create and write is not fuelled by them alone but by other music, poetry, people - both real and imaginary, films, politics, science, love, hate and everything in between and those that read this blog hopefully recognise that.

I wrote an article for a magazine at the beginning of the year about my club night Decasia and mentioned an apparent grunge revival. As much as I love grunge and would collapse if a band as good as Nirvana arrived on the current scene, part of the premise of writing the article was to create a mild social experiment; to throw a genre out there, into the public psyche and see whether what I've always believed: 99% of people are sheep and need to be told what to like - was actually true.

At the end of the day, it doesn't matter if you're a goth, grunge kid, britpop kid or raver or just a fan of music in general. What is important, is that musicians direct their influences and not just copy or steal from them and that those who listen should listen with open minds and hearts and not just with their eyes. Let's all enjoy music but be prepared to give credit where genuine credit is due.


Rant over.

Now then, this is a great band who are massively underrated, The Rogers Sisters who I met through our mutual friends The Raveonettes back in 2006. I'm listening to their 'Invisible Deck' album quite a lot at the moment. I really love this song.

Here is an interview I did with them back in the day when I was a budding music journo myself....



Monday, 23 March 2009


Free Kitten!

Who likes kittens? Free Kitten are a super group made up of members from Sonic Youth, Pussy Galore and Pavement. At the moment I am listening to their song 'Bananas' to death. The song opens up with a cough, a sneeze and Kim Gordon snarling, 'When did evolution come to a full stop? Survial of the fittest is a cruel, cruel hope'. A bold statement coming from a bold lady.

Who else can pull off a sneeze before a song without making it sound faux punk and erm...unhygenic?

Below is a cover of 'Sex Boy' Free Kitten did of The Germs' song. A bit of triva for you- The Germs were an LA punk band from '77-80 who for a time had Belinda Carlisle of 'Heaven Is A Place On Earth' fame- a song quite possibly on every Mum's favourite songs EVER list- on drums. ...although she never actually played with the band live.


The Germs

Heaven is a place with a drum kit- Belinda Carlisle

The Ronnettes-

This song for some reason 3 years ago made me cry. No, I didnt have my heart broken and no, I wasn't hormonal. It's your typical boy meets girl melodrama- they're too young to get married. Girl cries and cries and cries. Ain't life cruel? Seems so silly now I'm listening to it- it actually verges on the ridiculous but maybe this Bird has a heart afterall.

I once listened to the following Shangri-Las song when the bulb in my room blew, I was too lazy to change my bulb so sat in the dark listening to music. 'Past, Present, Future' is a song that makes my hair stand on end and my arms goose pimple. Chilling, disturbing but utterly engrossing. There continues to be a debate about what this song is about. Rape? Teenage pregnancy? You decide.

'Was I ever in love? I called it love- I mean, it felt like love,
There were moments when, well, there were moments when...'

'Take a walk along the beach tonight? I'd love to,
But don't try to touch me, don't try to touch me
Cos that will never happen again...'

Peace and Love,


Tuesday, 17 March 2009

Culture Clash

I've just started reading 'Culture Clash: Dread Meets Punk Rockers', an autobiography of Don Letts.

I've been fortunate enough to meet Don Letts twice over the last couple years - once at a screening of 'Westway to the World' at the BFI and the other time was at Jarvis Cocker's Meltdown Festival. Both times he was charasmatic, eloquent and as loud as hell!

I'm only a few chapters in but the book is a tremendous read. It's very interesting to read about the emigration of Lett's family by boat from Kingston, Jamaica and in particular, the experiences he and his family had when trying to settle into West London culture.

Recently, a few interviewers have asked us about our ethnic origin. To be honest, each time we're asked this question I am slightly thrown. The main reason being, I consider myself British and am only aware that I have a different heritage to local British people when people ask me where I'm originally from. It is at that precise moment when I am reminded that I look different. It upsets me greatly. Not because I am ashamed of who I am and what I look like, not at all. But I get upset as appearances still count for a lot of assumptions these days. I just don't understand why.

As with Letts, whose family were immersed in music and he took the passion he had for reggae equally towards punk, I feel that the musical education my parents gave me helped make me very open-minded towards music as a whole.

There was always music blasting when I was growing up. It ranged from classical Indian music, Surf music, 70s and 80s Pop music to Classic Bollywood songs. That's what my parents love.

The classic Bollywood songs up until the 1980s were actually very tender and beautiful. The classic formula of poor boy falls in love with the rich girl is played around with quite creatively. I love old films - they have a certain innocence that is rarely captured these days.

My dad was also a huge fan of The Carpenters. Karen Carpenter had an absolutely amazing voice and was an extremely talented drummer. She tragically died in her early 30s due to complications from anorexia.

It was these beginnings that sparked my musical curiosities however it wasn't until I discovered Nirvana that I felt I had truly found my own, real band.


Monday, 16 March 2009

In the mind of an X-Bird

I've never been one to be into gambling but a recent internet obsession of mine has been SCRABBLE and I'm awful at it. Feverishly scouring the game board for people to play with, usually only picking those who have a 20% win on their game card and sporting an incorrectly spelt username just so I can have that win, win, win.

I have this habit of getting obsessed with things short term.

I was also that annoying 8 year old girl who would go goo-goo eyed whenever Take That were on tv, by the time they broke up I was obsessing over collecting Forever Friends merch. Gary Barlow exclaiming, 'It's all over!' didn't even move me enough to shed one tear as I was in Clinton Cards making my mum buy me ANOTHER over priced Forever Friends sticker book. Well that's show buisiness.

...3 weeks on my Scrabble obsession is now over.

I won 5 games.

There are two lasting passions/obessions which continue to enlighten, liven and enrapture me daily. Music and film. Both passions I got into at quite a late stage in my teens. I was utterly bored and uninspired by what I saw on tv and heard on the radio- my mind was a wasteland. I felt like I was constantly counting sheep. Unexpectedly I heard The Strokes on the radio and started searching out bands they were inspired by, The Velvet Underground, The Stooges etc etc. From then I went NYC crazy like everyone else did at the time and discovered the dark underbelly of NY No Wave in Lydia Lunch, Suicide et al. Music was this melting pot of excitment I hadn't explored before. C-Bird and I then shaved our hair off and dyed it orange, in the process making our mum cry, then we started going to gigs every night, sleeping rough on the London streets for hours before first trains back to the sticks. We did this practically 5 nights a week- 2 nights were spent catching up on sleep and recovering from 5 day hangovers. It was around this time that C-Bird and I met the most wonderful exciting people (bar D-Bird who we didn't meet until 2 years ago!)usually lining up outside gigs- two girls in paticular we were drawn to as they were the only people in the queue with a six pack of beer they were ready to share! We formed our first girl gang and called ourselves The Luvians which was a going to be the name of a Strokes cover band we wanted to form. Our ethos, was to enjoy music, pour beer all over ourselves and dance, dance, dance until sunrise. Looking back at photos, we were a neon mess of lace, peroxide, smeared eyeliner and lipstick. As a collective we would use each other's handbgs as pillows whilst sleeping under Nelson's Column in Trafalgar Sq and re-enact our favourite band photos. Music was what brought us together and we had the best time! Today I'm still continuing this ethos. Recently I was at a club and spent the whole night dancing away with D-Bird- she commented on how happy and free I was on the dancefloor (well I say, 'dancefloor' but we were really dancing on a stage). If the music is good, I'll be dancing away until the bouncers drag me off- I'll be doing this forever.

Next time you see me out and about, lets have a dance!


Wednesday, 11 March 2009

Oh Lydia!

I am over the moon to announce that we are supporting Teenage Jesus and The Jerks at Corsica Studios on Sunday April 5th. For those unaware, Corsica Studios is one of my most favourite venues in the UK which is run by an amazing couple, Amanda and Adrian who have impeccable music taste and a real, genuine love for supporting the underground. Please, please check it out: http://www.corsicastudios.com/

I first visited Corsica Studios last May to see Lydia perform her spoken word project. It was here where a bemused Lydia stepped forward to my defence when a slightly drunk and disorientated me had a mild altercation with a bouncer concerning me spilling my drinks everywhere and trying to walk out of fire exits. It was at Corsica Studios where I spoke to Lydia and understood that her fire, passion and drive were in fact overwhelmingly humble and genuine.

Lydia has never married or had any children to my knowledge. However through her music and spoken word and having met her, I feel that both of these things have not made her feel any less of a woman. She is empowered, confident, intelligent and just so inspiring.

Often, I think about having never really experienced being in love and as each day passes, I feel that this one thing continues to elude me. Flings are always just flings and nowadays even the notion of trying to like someone and getting to know them always seems to backfire for me. I just can't win. I just don't understand. How intimidating am I? How unlovable am I? I am trying to accept this and aim to channel the restlessness that the lack of true companionship gives me into my writing and music. Sonnets of a dying unloved heart? Hardly, but it's getting there...

I look forward to April 5th immensely. Not only for the rare opportunity of seeing an astounding band of yesteryear finally have their moment but also at the prospect of sharing a stage with a wise, independent, self-assured lady whose work as an artist and life as a human being gives me great comfort and makes me feel less like a freak.



Tuesday, 3 March 2009

The Sick have it

Ok, so I may have momentarily lost my mind when I agreed to commence a new weekly club night but do you know what? I said yes because I am constantly restless and need to be challenged. The more I do the more alive I feel and that is a good thing as it stops the downward spirals that are just so negative.

I know the term 'sick' is used by much of the youth of today to describe something amazing. I haven't named SICK CLUB after that mild improper use of yet another English word at all. No sir. SICK CLUB is named after myself. Because I am eternally sick and may as well use that as some positive tint in my life.

Perhaps I should've called it Sick Bay on second thoughts...Ah well..that is what I shall name the bar at Electricity Showrooms....

Anyhoo the first night commences on Monday 13th April and I am immensely looking forward to it! I shall confirm line up shortly but every week it will be just DJs playing a range of great music - pretty much everything I love - grunge, pop, alternative, dance, the old, the new, blah, blah.

I just want it to be a fun night where people come to hang out and dance and just chill.

Anyway let's see how it all goes!



Monday, 2 March 2009

Decasia Club Presents The Hacienda

On Friday we were in Milan to play the great club night, London Loves.

Unfortunately, Milan police were apprehensive that the arrival of Tim Burgess and The Birds would cause overcrowding and subsequent riots so the venue had to be changed at the last minute.

Despite the last minute chaos, we had an amazing time in Milan. Dorian Gray and his team were extremely polite and professional, really courteous hosts. They took us to see the local sights and sounds of Milan and also showed us a great time at the club.

After we played, Tim DJed and we stood near the decks and danced with hundreds of Milanese party goers. When Tim played the original mix of New Order's 'Blue Monday', it felt like we were at The Hacienda. A massive space filled with lasers and smoke machines with people dancing on podiums, the stage, the floor...just people everywhere. It was amazing.

On my return to London I have been plotting ideas for the next Decasia. Feeling inspired by Milan, I have decided to do a tribute to The Hacienda on Wed March 25th as I take over the whole of Catch on Kingsland Road - both the upstairs and downstairs bars.

It will be immense! At the end of the day, I just want to encourage people to have a great time and let themselves go. People are way too self-conscious in London and it annoys me.

Line up to be revealed shortly!