Happiness is...

A toast to the past. I’ve been delving into my not so distant past, 8 years ago to be exact. Reminiscing past connections I’ve had with people- friends and enemies (I think it’s always healthy to understand past vexes) which have since expired or faded.

People change, people move on. I've been wondering at how sad it is to lose connections with friends who have been inspirational to me in the past as well as reminicing about people who have irked and broken me. Some of you may disagree but I stand to the fact that past disagreements, fights, arguments shape who we are. How we deal with these grievances I feel highlights the type of people we grow into.

Could we have done things differently?

Life is a constant learning curve.

I am by no means a woman who is wise beyond her years or even one who has even lived to an extent where wise words pour out of me like running water. I don’t think I’ve even experienced that life affirming moment yet- the one that gives you that eureka moment of enlightenment. I don’t think 99.9% of the human race ever experience that, we trudge on in the hope that we will finally understand the meaning of life etc, etc, blah, blah... As cheesey as it sounds, I think that’s why as a race, we’re never happy.

The Beatles once said, ‘Happiness is a warm gun’.

Happiness for me right now, is being locked away in a sweat box rehearsal room with The Birds, a never ending supply of menthol cigarettes, a bottle of cheap plonk from Tesco in the park with friends (D-Bird last week’s date in the park where I was short-sighted and thought the man lying on the grass was Kurt Cobain was one of the best days I have had for a long time), dancing in my room and at various London dives to old punk records with my old girl gang The Luvians- personally for me the only cure for the blues is music. How can you still feel like shit after dancing yourself crazy to your favourite song? Oh how, feminine of me.

But I digress…

Speaking to old connections on the phone yesterday (here’s looking at you Carmen and Niko Luvian) after a lack luster Monday. Sitting in dumbfounded astonishment at how awful a week has been and only realising it was still Monday. Oh sweet Jesus. I wondered at how it was so rare these days to have people in your life who instantly even after a, ‘Hello’ give your spirits an instant endorphin kick. It’s these people who I’m writing this blog for today. My Birds- Dee and Char. My Luvians- Lisa, Carmen, Niko, Colster and Sarah. Women in my life who have inspired and enriched me in so many ways. In the past when toxic ‘friends’ have given themselves the challenge of damaging our equilibrium- there have always been friends (Colster and Sarah) pushing us out of moving traffic. When I was unemployed and on the verge of mental overload- there was Lisa buying me dinner after our long Withnail and I walks in the woods (mud, stilettos and tree climbing in the Buckinghamshire woodland)- a definite ‘we’ve gone on holiday by mistake’ moment. Dark times feeling completely uninspired and apathetic on almost all levels of ‘living’ have always been kicked in the gut by good friends, on several occasions good wine and a lot of laughter.

More often than not you don’t have to look further than your little black for inspiration. The Birds, The Luvians. I salute you.

X-Bird