As D-Bird mentioned in her previous post- us Birds have had our fair share of major disasters. You name it and we've probably 'been there, done that...' We've only been doing this for just over a year but there have been times when I've just thought- to hell with it. Making relationships work is the hardest thing in the world. When tempers rise people ultimately explode. A giant fire ball of grievances then hurtles out of the wreckage like gun fire. It is the most excruciating pain but you get through it, you have to learn from it. A spontaneous combustion isn’t really spontaneous at all because you’re usually aware of the explosion coming- you’re just a fool if you refuse to acknowledge that it is on its way. In order for this to work you have to be so much more aware of the bigger picture. There is no room or time for selfishness, super egos must be extinguished. You’re working everyday with people who know you better than anyone else- they know how to get your back up but they know how to calm you down. They can be the hardest people to work with but also be the most INSPIRING. Nothing is ever easy but ultimately you keep going because of the sheer passion for what you do. We do this because nothing makes us happier than playing live and writing songs. We wouldn’t have gigged solidly for over a year if we thought otherwise. As D-Bird says the arm of good gortune has outstretched towards us on a couple of occasions and allowed us to bounce back from hard knocks. It is these hard knocks that make us work harder and more importantly, together.
I have been told by friends that I work through things as though I live in an ideal world. When the shit grinds you down, if you don't think about you want from the ideal world then you may as well be 6-feet under. I'm not an eternal optimist but yes at times what I want and expect from the human race is not realistic. Ultimately I live in the hope that people will eventually learn from the errors of their ways (myself included!) and that we will all live reasonably happily ever after.
I have to admit living hand to mouth wasn't really part of my 5 year plan. And it is hard staying focused and creative when you can feel the debt collector's breath on your neck. But I refuse to be consumed by a poor me, poor me attitude and I actually consider myself extremely lucky. A feeling I'm sure which is shared by the rest of The Birds. It is this constant struggle to keep everything going that is reminding me that I'm alive. I get to do something I feel a feverish passion for and you know what that makes me the luckiest person in the world.
Grrrl Sounds moving!
9 months ago